Therapy
by The Sketchywallflowr
Summary: Jayne has become River's new therapist. 'New Age' doesnt even begin to cover it. Strong language and lots of sex.
1. Chapter 1

"Wanna fuck," River informed her brother.

He sputtered on the stale water he'd been forcing down. "Excuse me?"

"Want sex," she insisted. "Need it. I am of the age where hormones overpower brain functions. Brain functions overpower River. Must correct the error." Simon stared at her, water dribbling down his chin. "Want sex!" she insisted. "Find me someone. Dark eyes preferred."

He couldn't speak. His tongue forgot how to dance nimbly around his mouth, which forgot to close so water and saliva dripped out. His sister wanted to have sex. There were so, so, so so so so SO many protestations he had about this notion. She was too young. How could she be ready for it when most days she couldn't function as a normal person? Who in the verse did she intend to do it with? And subconsciously but probably most importantly, if he wasn't getting any neither was she. Kaylee was having some 'female issues' this week.

"No," he finally managed to spit out, wiping drool off his chin. This was all sorts of awkward. She was asking him to act like her pimp.

"I'd pay you for it, if you like," she offered, and he realized she'd been reading his thoughts.

"No," he said adamantly. "Absolutely not. I forbid it."

"You can't forbid, you're not in charge of me."

"Doctor's orders!" he shot back. "And I am in charge of you. I promised the captain I'd take care of you, remember?"

"You're mad because Kaylee's menstruating and you can't have sex with her."

Now here was a conversation Simon didn't care to have, especially with River. So he had a choice- continue discussing her having sex, or begin talking about him having sex. He opted out of both topics. "I have far too many things to do today, so I'm going to get myself going now." He dumped his dishes in the sink- Jayne could worry about them.

"I want sex!" she shouted.

"Shush!" he pleaded. Last thing he needed was for the entire crew to hear this. "River, it's a big responsibility and you're most definitely not ready for it. It's not something you can just decide to do one day, it needs trust and love and… and.. And you're not even listening, are you?"

No, she wasn't. Her face was screwed up in the thinking pose it got when she weeded through all the unnecessary thoughts in her head for the right one. "Captain needs it," she said idly.

"No!" he said forcefully. "NO! Not the captain. We have come a long way to be in his good graces, I absolutely-"

"Too old for me," she reasoned, her brother's words passing over head unnoticed. River needs to find someone of her own parallel. A thought sprang into her mind, and she in turn sprang up from her chair.

"Where are you going?" Simon called after her.

"Bedfellow!" she shouted back, the heavy boots hanging loosely on her feet and noising up the ship. Simon was worried, with just reason, but didn't know what he could do. If he chased her, he'd catch her and she'd either clobber him so she could leave or follow him with vague obedience until his back was turned. Either way, he hadn't much say in this matter. But there was no need to worry, was there? There wasn't anyone on this ship who'd comply with her request- Jayne was too annoyed by her and Mal wouldn't even think about it. 'Too damn creepy' would be exactly what the captain would say. He almost wanted to stop her from even offering, but she was a bit crazy, right? Prone to say some unusual things? Maybe they wouldn't take her seriously and pass it off as another strange and uncomfortable quirk. Kaylee's room, he decided. She'd keep him company and keep his mind off this dreadful topic.

Jayne was in a spell. The captain had yet again denied his request for a raise on the grounds that in order to get a raise, they needed pay first. And even then, hell no. He was about to drop down into his room and have a good long seethe when River popped up outta nowhere and slammed into him.

"Chi shi, crazy girl! The hells tha matter with you?"

"Dark eyes," she observed. "Pretty."

"Uh, thanks, I think." His anger had halted for the moment and was replaced by something much more irritating- confusion. "There somethin you need from me?"

"Yes."

He waited for more, but nothing came. She just stared up at him with them creepy bug eyes she had, a smirking smile on her for once coherent face. "What?" he asked, more than a pinch annoyed. When she didn't answer again, he opened the door to his room and dropped inside, not bothering with the ladder today. His feet hit the floor with a satisfying angry thud. River jumped in after him, her boots scarecely making a sound as they landed. He spun around on her, readying himself for a hollering match. You needed to prepare yourself if you were gonna match your vocal chords against a crazy. As he opened his mouth to let the shouting begin, the tiny girl leapt onto him, throwing her around his neck and planting her mouth on top of his. He stumbled backward and knocked his head against the steel ladder. He found her waist, gripped his fingers around it and ripped her off his face. "What'n the hellsa matter with you, crazy?" he yelled, wiping his mouth.

"River's parallel. You're angry. Rough sex helps."

'Incredulous' would have been the word for it, if Jayne were at all familiar with it. His take on the situation stood more as 'Whahuhfuck?'

"I need sex," she told him. "You and me. Not like Simon and Kaylee." She started undressing, first kicking off her boots then pulling her sweater over her head.

"Stop that!" he scolded her, and she didn't. "This ain't gonna happen, you're…"

"Not the doctor's sister," she finished for him, tossing her bra onto Jayne's weaponry table. "The pilot."

"I…" He averted his gaze off her breasts, although peripheral vision has a way of seeing what ought not be seen. "Got a strict rule- no sex 'tween crew. Good, solid rule." It wasn't a rule of his, just seemed to be the way things had worked out since there weren't a woman on board he'd taken enough interest in to pursue.

"Undress," she commanded, already standing naked before him. "Foreplay is necessary to lubricate the vaginal canal so you can-"

"Hey now," he said, deciding that looking into her eyes was about as risky as he could afford to get, "if you're gonna turn this here into some kinda school lesson, I ain't biting."

"I won't talk," she promised.

Jayne gave the situation a good twenty second contemplation. "I don't need some crazy thinking-"

"You owe her something? I won't. Just sex."

"Don't need you chasin me 'round the ship for more, understand? And there'll be no tellin the captain 'bout it, neither."

"try not to bother for more- make no promises. Btu won't tell Mal. Get naked."

He shrugged. Women weren't good for much more then a few hours anyway. What's one more, even if she were a crazy? And very young? And this was probably the worst idea he ever had? "All right," he said, pulling off his shirt. He wondered how long he'd live to regret this.

* * *

It'd been good. Damn good. Apparently them acrobatics she'd been taught had a lot more uses than killin people. Jayne was stretched out on his back, hands behind his head. River was curled up beside him, purring contentedly. He wasn't quite sure how she managed to purr continually, but purring she was. Her head was tucked against his shoulder.

"Satisfied?" he asked with a touch of smugness.

"Mmm," she cooed. "Yes. Mind quiet."

"Should be. You screamed loud enough." The girl's voice had been loud, long and sweet, just the way Jayne preferred 'em. "Suppose you shouted so much all them crazy thoughts o' yers ran off."

"I didn't yell."

"You sure did, lil crazy."

"No." She tapped a spidery finger on his confused brow. "All in here."

"I guarantee I didn't imagine that. Pretty sure someone's gonna come storming down here real soon to tear me a new one."

"No," she insisted calmly, locking her eyes into his. Her finger tapped her own forehead, then Jayne's, then hers again. "All in here."

"Y'mean… I heard you in m'head?" She nodded. "Like when you're hearin my thoughts?"

"Backwards. Mostly I take. Now I gave. Quiet now- all flew away to you." She snuggled against him again. "She liked the quiet. Makes her normal." _This must be why adolescents are so focused on sex,_ she reasoned. _It scatters the business of thinking._ It was going to be hard not asking Jayne for more. The silence was too pleasurable.

"Mmmkay." Jayne wasn't so sure he liked the idea of some crazy chick projecting her troubled thoughts into his head. He listened to his mind for any new voices or ideas, but none came. "Listen, you best be getting outta here 'fore someone finds you're missing."

"I have to? Jayne is so quiet and unobtrusive."

"What's that 'sposta mean?"

"Peaceful. You make them go away."

Jayne glanced at the frail girl beside him. She looked just about ready to fall asleep. He had to smirk. The doc had given this girl dozens of them shots and pills and all sorts of things, and she'd been crazy as a bat through all of it. Two and a half hours of Jayne time 'an she was quiet as a still breeze. He'd have to brag about it later- wait, no. He wouldn't. That'd be a damn, _damn_ bad idea. Sure would be nice to show the doc all his smarts weren't worth much after all. Jayne had always known sex cured most what ailed ya.


	2. Chapter 2

This was what classified as a "bad day". They had been on a small no-name planet in the least used corner of this particular galaxy getting supplies and something resembling fresh air. As Kaylee handed River the ripest strawberry she'd seen in over ten years, the girl had pelted it at a passers by, screaming that she could feel it growing and the fruit wished to extract revenge on whoever had plucked it. Simon had taken her back to the ship after that, but the yelling and visions hadn't stopped. When everyone else returned, River was streaking across the ship repeating the same sentence over and over- "¡Mis ropas están vivas¡Están creciendo!" Simon had been chasing her, and it showed- he was completely out of breath and stumbling along at a snails pace fifty feet behind her. Kaylee and Zoe both made grabs for her, but the naked loon was only stopped by Jayne's oversized boot tripping her and tumbling her down the stairs. He got yelled at for it, but at least her momentum had ceased. She was finally talked into wearing a long wool sweater and skirt, since "wool had never been alive". At dinner she ate only the flour biscuits, and even only a small portion of those since technically flour had come from a plant at some time. Then she went to bed, on the floor, since who knew how many things died in the makings of her cotton blanket and pillow. Simon trudged off to bed early, both crying and laughing a little. Jayne thanked his lucky stars she weren't his problem.

* * *

It was 'round three in the morning (depending on what planet you were on) and someone was climbing down his ladder. Jayne was lying tensely on his side, back to the door and facing his guns. He could probably reach and out grab a small one form the lowest rack, catching the intruder off guard. His trained ear was picking up every scrape of dust. Barefoot, not too heavy (or treaded real damn lightly). A tiny voice shot out in the dark.

"Jayne."

Aw, shit. It was crazy. Jayne rolled over, rather irritated she'd gotten his senses on edge for nothin. "The hell you want?" he snapped.

"Again."

"Again what?"

"Again with you."

"Again with me _what_? Start makin some sense already, huh?"

"The dreams are the loudest. Mal is embraced with a dark-haired woman not Zoe on a battlefield. She screams and cries and they will both die soon but he can't tell her he loves her. Zoe watched Wash die again and again, and each time she is further away until she can't see his face anymore, she can only hear him screaming. It goes on forever. Kaylee is not dreaming but Simon is and he's mad- so very mad. He hates me and he's jealous and he is the loudest. _"Why don't you get better?" _he screams. _"I could be anywhere but here if it weren't for you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate youIhateyouIhateyouIhate-"_

"All right!" he cried out, seeing she was starting to cry now. "None of that."

"Make them quiet," she pleaded, climbing into the bed beside him. "Make her brain quiet."

"How?" he asked softly.

"You know how."

He did know how, but he didn't want to admit it. This was what he had been avoiding for the past two weeks. And that desperate look in her eyes wasn't helping him act dumb. "No," he told her uncertainly. "You said you wouldn't ask again. Put my ass on the line once for you already. No."

"He liked it," she said timidly.

He turned his face away so she couldn't see the blush. "Don't matter. Get outta m'room."

"Jayne's dreams are different. Jayne dreams about _him_."

That got his attention. "You stay outta my dreams!"

"He's in them most every night. Jayne thinks about him late at night when he's all alone."

"Stop it!" he snapped.

"And he looks at Jayne sadly, so he leans in close and-"

"I said shut it!" His beefy hand flattened its palm against her ribcage and shoved her off the bed. She tumbled out gracelessly, limbs sprawled. "Get out," he snarled. "And stay outta my head!"

"Can't," she said, teary-eyed. "Everything's noisier at night."

Jayne ran a hand over his face, contemplating. On the one hand, Jayne Cobb wasn't a man to turn down sex much. On the other, this was the doctor's sister and she was young and crazy. He didn't need more crazy in his life. But she was looking at him with them big, sad eyes and she'd started crying again. He sighed- women could usually get to that soft spot in his heart. Women and guns.

"You're gonna be makin a habit of this, aren't ya?"

"River likes the quiet."

"River likes the quiet," he repeated. He supposed this was a yes. "You're gonna get me tossed off this here ship." She didn't speak, just looked at him expectantly. "I got better things to do then answer some sex call from a crazy."

"Yes." She was already on her feet and climbing back into his bed. He scooted over awkwardly. Normally he'd have no problem taking a woman to bed, but she wasn't exactly a woman, was she? This here was about to make life good and interesting. Things had been fine between them since last time, but he'd only expected it to be the one time. Wasn't too sure how things were gonna be in front of the other crew from now on. Reckon'd he'd figure it out soon enough. But it wasn't like they were together or nothing. This was more like… well, what the hell _was_ it like?

"Therapy," River whispered in his ear. Her breath on his neck startled him.

"That what you call it?"

"Mmm." She took his hand and led it up her thigh, lifting her short nightdress (which was rayon, something not quite so alive). He watched her best he could in the darkness. The first time had been like lifting weights- it took his mind off bein' pissed at the captain and it gave him something to do with his time. Now, though. Now he was almost unsure of himself. His hands barely touched her, like she was gonna break or somethin. Somehow not bein able to see her real well made things worse. More dangerous.

"You're nervous," she told him, kissing a line down his chest.

"I ain't."

"Are too."

"Just thinkin."

"Don't. Just touch me. Foreplay is necessary for-"

"All right," he griped, pulling her underneath him and parting her legs with his left knee. "Don't start up on that again." He propped himself up over her, which wasn't easy on a bed made for half a person. Her hands wandered over his back, pulling him closer. Their stomachs touched, their chests, then their mouths.

"I scare you," River whispered between kisses.

"Sometimes," he admitted, licking down her jaw line to her pert breasts. "'Specially when you're weildin knives at me and killin Reavers."

" I scare you now."

"Right now? Nah. What's so-"

"You're scared they'll know."

"Course I am."

"I won't let them reject you."

He looked up at her, her tiny nipple still in his lips. She was lookin down at him with serious eyes. For a brief moment they stared at one another with something that had never shared before and might not again- understanding.

River's eyes suddenly changed. "Now," she pleaded, lifting her hips to him.

"Now? But-"

"Simon's going to kill me."

"Naw, he ain't. Me, more'n likely."

"In his dreams!" she cried out, panicked voice reverberating. "He's hurting me, killing me. I don't want to see it!"

"Hush!" he scolded. "He ain't killin ya, dreams or not. He moved up her body, his face parallel to hers.

"We're making it go away?" She was crying again.

"Sure," he said, kissing her mouth and thrusting himself into her. _Dear God, what the hell am I gettin myself into?_

* * *

Simon sat down at the breakfast table with his sister, concerned. "River, you've been getting up every night for the past week. Where have you been going?"

"Around." She took a bite of something like cereal.

"Not to the cockpit, cause I looked for you there."

She got up from her chair and dumped her still full bowl down the sink. "This is not fit for homo sapiens consumption!"

"That some kinda snake?" Jayne asked, yawning.

"No," Simon told him shortly. "And you don't change the subject."

"Why can't we eat real food? Everything dies for us to consume, and we depreciate it with forgeries!"

"River… where have you been going?"

"Therapy."

Jayne choked on his food. Simon barely glanced at the man. "Therapy?" he asked.

"Yes. Therapy. Makes me sleep." She purred at the thought of it.

"Where?" She didn't answer him. Instead, she grabbed a piece of bread from the cupboard and filled her mouth with it. "Schtale," she announced.

"_River!_"

"Copulation!" she shouted. She took her bread and took her leave. Her brother shook his head miserably.

"I hope she's not walking around trying to fix things," he said.

"Like how she fixed the Shepard's bible that one time?" Kaylee asked, rubbing his back.

"I was thinking like fixing the engine, but yes, that too."

"I haven't noticed anything different about Serenity, but I'll check if you like."

"Whatever she's doin," Mal chimed in, "make sure it don't corrupt the way we fly. Can't afford to be fixin mistakes no one sees her makin."

"I'm sorry," Simon said immediately. "If she does anything-"

"Calm yourself, doc, I ain't blamin you for it."

"You… you're not?"

"I know she's your problem, but even you gotta sleep sometime. Can't be watchin her always. And I don't think lockin her in her room would do us much good."

"Break down the door, most likely," Kaylee agreed.

"So what do we do?" Simon asked Mal, almost afraid what the suggestions would be.

"Nothin, far as I see it. Long as she ain't breakin nothin, she's fine by me."

"I don't think she'd hurt Serenity," Kaylee told them all. "Loves this ship almost much as I do."

"Therapy," Simon muttered, mulling it over. "What in the world does that mean?"

* * *

People were being horrid today. Or was she imagining it? She couldn't tell. But everyone had something to say to her, one way or the other. Simon hated her- loathed her so much, in fact, he wished he'd killed her instead of saving her. Should have left her at the academy for all the trouble she'd caused him. Those words, imagined or not, hurt the worst. Jayne hadn't been mean. He'd been honest. _Men like me don't fall for crazy lost girls like you. _

"Won't go to Jayne," she told herself. "Promised I wouldn't so much." She peeked into Simon's room where he and Kaylee were talking and laughing like young lovers. It was full of happy thoughts in here. Not like everywhere else.

Simon smiled as Kaylee talked. She was overly animated and he found it nothing short of endearing. _I could spend the rest of my life with this girl. _

River paused. Simon married Kaylee. Simon had children. Simon + Kaylee children, which did not equal sister. This was the sort of math River could not wrap her mind around. Simon couldn't just abandon her because he loved Kaylee now. He wouldn't. Would he? In answer to her question, Simon turned to her with an icy glare and whispered "I _will_ abandon you."

"Can't!" River screamed. Both Simon and Kaylee looked u from their conversation, surprised. "River has nowhere to go!" she cried. They had tricked her. Their happy thoughts had lulled her into a false sense of security, then venom tore through all of it. She hadn't been ready for such cruelty.

"River," Simon said lovingly, "meimei, what's wrong?"

She bolted from the room, stomping her feet as loud as she could to break through the noise in her head. I will abandon you. Zoe lost Wash. Everything louder than everything else. The engine was screaming its heart out into space and no could hear it. No one can ever hear you scream. Men like me don't fall for crazy lost girls like you.

Jayne. She started running fast. Jayne. Was he in his room? Cargo area, lifting weights? Where? She listened through the noise in her skull. Load, snap. Trigger locked, 'nother lovely lady done. He was in his room cleaning his guns. She was at his door in seconds, pushing it open and taking the ladder rungs three at a time.

Jayne looked up. Girl looked more disheveled than usual. "No," he told her immediately.

She didn't protest. She didn't beg. She did, however, knock his feet out from under him and climb on top of him. "Yes," she growled fiercely.

Jayne stared up at her. She hadn't been crying, which was good, but her eyes shone with that crazy intensity they got sometimes. His guess, from his previous knowledge as her therapist, was that it was getting too overcrowded in that little head of hers and someone (most likely her brother) had thunk somethin none too comfortin. And right now she looked ready for anything. "No," he said again.

River grabbed his shirt and tore it clean down the center from neckline to hem. He looked into her eyes, startled. Good. She needed control on something. She bit his shoulder- not hard enough to make it bleed, but close. Mmm. Primal instinct was taking over her thoughts.

Jayne yelped at the bite, still too unsure as to how to handle the present situation. Would this be the best time to tell her no, or the worst? He liked rough women, but this particular woman took rough to new levels- neck snappin levels. If she didn't get her way she might break him into hundreds of pieces. Or she'd get all sweet and innocent and pout at him. She was funny like that.

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her off him. She easily countered by grabbing his wrists and slamming them to the floor. With her hands pinning his wrists, her thighs clamped around his hips and her feet pushing down on his legs, he was pretty well stuck where he was. Sure, he could struggle. And be taken out time and time again. The word 'rape' made a brief debut in his mind. It was a word Jayne wasn't fond of dealing with- especially with the thought of himself on the receiving end.

"Is this how he looked?" River asked darkly. "This the face he made? The terrified, confused look in his eyes?" She leaned down close to Jayne's face. "Pleading with you as he kissed your mouth?"

Now it was Jayne's turn to get angry. He kicked up his legs, tossing the girl over his head. He scrambled onto his knees. "Never," he seethed, "_ever_ mention him again."

"Dana, wasn't it? Two boys with girls' names." Her voice had turned coy and girlish. She smiled up at him from the floor.

"I don't understand," Jayne said, getting to his feet and cracking his knuckles. "You lookin' for a fight or a fuck?"

"Same difference," River spat, leaping nimbly to her feet.

"You wanna hurt?" He approached her cautiously. She was a viper lying in wait, far as he was concerned. "That what you need? I can make it hurt for you, that's what you're lookin for."

"Liar," she provoked, backing herself against a wall. "You're too weak. Dana knew it."

"Weak, huh?" he was close to her now, barely an inch between their tense and sweaty bodies. "Well Dana's dead now, ain't he? How weak's that?"

"You almost didn't. Mercy is weak."

He slammed himself against her, both of them stopped short by the wall River had been against. A few of her bones popped uncomfortably. "You want no mercy?" Jayne asked her, understanding now she'd been egging him on.

River smiled. "You can't hurt me." _Now,_ she thought urgently. _Hard. Fast._

"Hard and fast, huh?" he smirked, running his fingertips up her arms. "Think you can handle it?" He kissed her, hard, her head pressed against the wall. He lifted her up a few inches off the floor, holding her up with his pelvis. River wrapped her legs tightly around him, her skirt falling to give Jayne better access. By now she was aching for it.

Jayne's fingers fumbled on his own clothes, shedding himself of his already destroyed shirt and loosening his pants just enough to show this girl no mercy. It took some effort to enter her the first time, like it always did. Her groaned into her mouth. First push always felt best.

"Hurt yet?" he asked, running a hand under her thin blouse and over her breast.

"No," she gasped, lying through her teeth. Best kinda hurt there was. "You'll have to do better then that."

He thrust again, harder, and she slammed against the wall. "Can make it hurt worse," he offered.

"Worse,' she begged, both relishing and dreading the idea. Her brain was silent now except for the constant demand for Jayne to push deeper, go faster, make it harder. She dug her fingernails into his back.

He made it worse. When it was all over River was exhausted and close to blacking out. But she was too grateful to care.


	3. Chapter 3

"I told you, stop moving."

Jayne didn't care much for the doctor ordering him to do anything, but he held his arm still. Kaylee had needed help with the engine and since her boyfriend apparently couldn't soil his hands to do manual labor, she'd asked Jayne. Engine got fixed, but since Jayne didn't know what the hell he was doing a couple things had fallen and sliced up his arm all nice and bloody. Simon was cleaning and stitching as needed and using a bit too much of that peroxide, in Jayne's opinion. He gritted his teeth against the searing burn.

"Almost done," Simon assured him, rechecking his work. That's when he noticed the mark on Jayne's shoulder. "Is that… wow, Jayne, is that a bite mark?"

"No," he said immediately, pulling his arm away.

"What the hell happened? I should really take a look at that-"

"It's nothin!" he protested. "You don stitchin me up yet?"

"If that gets infected-"

"It ain't gonna get infected. She don't got rabies, for crying out-."

"She?"

Simon's voice hung in the stillness. The men stared at one another, one intrigued and one panicked. Had he completely blown it?

"Dog," Jayne said uncertainly.

"Those are human teeth marks."

"Didn't mean no damn canine. Woman was ugly as sin. Didn't take kindly to no."

"When was this? We haven't landed anywhere in a few days and that looks pretty recent."

It was becoming obvious that Jayne was not going to weasel out of this war of wits by using his words. So he resorted to what he knew best- intimidation."Don't appreciate all these questions, doc. None of your damn business."

"Fine," SImon agreed, putting his hands up in defeat.

"Just keep it clean. If it gets infected, I can't treat it. I don't have the equipment here for that."

"It ain't gonna get infected," Jayne snapped. _'Less rabies runs in the family._

* * *

He didn't have to turn around, or even open his eyes. "No," he said firmly.

"No?" Her voice was tiny and helpless.

"You ain't comin here for therapy." Therapy was what they called it. "You're comin for sex."

"Jayne does not approve?"

"Jayne does not. Now git."

"But I've waited a week since-"

"Since your brother found that happy little bite you gave me?" He rolled over, still sleepy and now a

touch cross.

"Simon does not know."

"He will soon enough. All of 'em will. So my answer sticks- no."

"Jayne does not want her to go."

"Jayne does want her to go." He sighed. "Can't we talk normal-like for once? Why do you gotta be so weird?"

"Why do you gotta lie all the time?" she retorted, mocking his accent.

"M'not."

"M'too. Jayne wants her to stay. He likes the way her hair falls across his shoulder. He likes her scary eyes. He even likes how she pouts when he kicks her out of bed."

"Don't matter." He hated how she could read hismind. "You still can't stay."

"But… I can't sleep."

"Nuh-uh."

"Why?" She knew why. She wanted to hear him say it.

"Cuz last time you were bleedin like someone'd shot ya. Then you passed out 'n I had to carry you to your room. Though for sure I'd get caught."

"They won't stop. Everyone thinks too loud." She climbed into his bed, her head resting against his

chest and her arm draped over his bare stomach. "Why would he sleep with no clothes on if he didn't want her to come?"

Jayne blushed. "Can't have you tearin' up all m'clothes. Only got so many."

"Please let me stay?"

He sighed again. He couldn't very well tell her no, could he? She was already there and comfortable, and he had to admit she made his bed pleasantly cozy. "No therapy," he told her.

"I can't sleep. I need to shut it out somehow." She kissed his neck above his collarbone, a surefire way to get his manly attention.

It was sure working, but he nudged her face away. "No. Don't want to hurt you again."

That was unexpected. She looked up at him, concentrating. It was counterproductive to what she wanted, which was to be out of everyone's heads, but Jayne had something in there she wanted to see and somehow he was hiding it. "You care about me," she decided. His brain had not told her so- this was a guess.

"Just don't want you bleedin all over my bunk."

"I'm healed," she told him. "Please?"

"Maybe you should try some other kinda therapy."

"Like what?"

He scratched his head. "I dunno… talkin?"

"I do talk. No one listens anymore."

"Bull shit, little girl. In all the time I've known you, you ain't never talked to no one. You babble on about whatever pops in that crazy brain you got stuck with, but you never expect no one to understand you so you ain't really talkin to people. You're just makin lots a crazy noise."

"But on one understands."

"Jus' cuz they don't understand, it don't mean they don't care."

"Does Jayne care?"

Does Jayne care? Damn good question. He'd been wondering that himself. "Your brother sure as hell does. Why don't you ever talk to him?"

"Does Jayne care?"

"Jayne…" He thought it through, since words weren't his strong point. "Jayne's not sure he wants to. But if you're willin to talk, he's listenin right here."

"Really?"

"You woke me up, you better make it worth my while."She could have started kissing him again- that'd certainly be worth his while. And hers. But right now his voice held a tenderness she wasn't sure she'd ever heard before and was scared she wouldn't again. This new Jayne was much better than the old one. This one was honest. "Simon thinks bad about me," she began. "He's sorry he rescued me."

"Now that's about the damn dumbest thing I ever heard."

"Is not."

"Is so too. Why would he have spend all this energy and risked his life for ya time an time again if he

hated ya?"

"He didn't know what I'd be like."

He shook his head. "Nah, you're bein stupid. Simon likes you, end of debate. He wouldn't be here if he didn't."

"That's the first time I've ever heard you use his name."

"Don't change topic," he scolded, embarrassed now. "This ain't about me an your brother. This is about you an your brother. And how you ain't got no brains to be crazy if you think he don't like you."

"Some therapy," she said, confused. "Traditionally speaking you're not supposed to insult or belittle the patient. According to Carl Rogers and his theories on psychoanalysis, the therapist, that's you, is supposed to listen and draw out the patient, that's me, rather than confront or challenge them."

"Well, you tell Carl Rogers to shove it up his ass, cuz my patient thinks being humped against a wall 'till she bleeds is a form of cure."

River smiled. He was actually listening, and talking about it and not just wading through it while it made her angry was quieting things a little. She kept him awake until three that morning, after which he fell promptly asleep (both from boredom and mental exhaustion trying to figure out half of what she said). River kissed his cheek and left him.


	4. Chapter 4

All the power was out. They were waiting silently in the dark room for the Reaver ship to pass on. They were all scared for sure- who wouldn't be? Jayne stared into the star field, his breath fogging the glass. All it took was patience and self control. He had enough of that. Something moved behind him. He could hear but not see them, not that he needed to anyway. He knew it was River. Her slender hand was cold against his, but he held it just the same. She wasn't scared, he could feel that. She didn't have a need to be, far as he was concerned. The ship drifted lazily, stars passing idly by out the window. Any second now.

"All clear," Zoe whispered over the intercom.

"If it's all clear, why're we whisperin?" Jyane whispered to the others in the still dark room.

"Because we're still terrified," Kaylee told him from somewhere to the left. Jayne nodded- it was sound reasoning.

River kissed his shoulder and disappeared from his side just as the lights came back up. "Come, Jayne," she announced, "I need therapy."

"Wh-what?" he stammered. Her brother and everyone else was _right there_.

"Therpay?" Simon asked. "You go to Jayne for therapy?"

She nodded. "We talk. Most nights. Why he's been so tired."

"But you-"

"Jayne," she continued, ignoring her brother, "I need it. Now please. I'm confused."

"Me too," Simon agreed. "River, why do you talk to him and not...well, me?"

"Jayne listens." "I listen." "No, you analyze. He makes sense." He also makes me orgasm at least twice a night.

"Jayne makes sense? The man names his guns! He shoots people like ducks at the carnival!"

"The man is standing right here," Jayne said, temper rising. "And he can knock you into next Monday, doc."

Simon pointed at Jayne, his last comment only solidifying how unfit a therapist he was. "How could he possibly help you understand how to control your brain?"

"He doesn't. He just listens and it all comes out on its own." She paused for thought. "Don't be jealous, Simon. I don't love him more than you."

She'd hit the nail right on the head, and it showed. He was jealous. Why could she open up to the neanderthal? The man who'd tried to give her back to the very people who'd messed her up to begin with? "How can he possibly be helpful?" he asked.

"Would you rather I be stabbing him or talking to him?"

He glanced at Jayne. "Is this a trick question?"

"Watch it," Jayne said testily.

"You guys," Kaylee said diplomatically, still shaken a bit by the Reavers scare. "Come on."

River took Jayne's hand. "Therapy please!" she said, pulling him toward her bedroom. He followed begrudgingly, tossing an indifferent shrug to Kaylee.

"I don't like this," Simon declared as soon as they'd gone.

"You should like it," Kaylee said soothingly, putting a delicate hand on his shoulder. "She's getting along with people. It's especially good she and Jayne are talking. He doesn't warm up to people real well."

"I don't trust it. There's something going on I don't like. Why would he be willing to listen to her, he has the least patience for her antics out of all of us."

"Why're you worryin so much?"

"Because she's my sister. And it's Jayne." "I guess." What worried him most was that River might be trusting Jayne on a more than friends level, and if that ever happened not only would Simon lose his mind but Jayne could hurt his sister very badly without even trying.

"So," River concluded, holding a pillow in her lap, "I should be scared of therm but I'm not. Why?"

"I dunno," Jayne said, picking up something from her shelf. "What the hell is this?"

"You weren't even listening!" she accused.

"I heard ya," he assured her. "Just don't know what you want me to say." He looked around her room- it was very plain, considering everything else about her from her smile to her clothes was exotically weird. "Why is this room so damn empty?"

"I have nothing to put in it. Can you focus, please?"

"How often I ever been in your room? Just curious about it is all."

"Jayne!"

"Okay, okay! Damn girl. I think..." He tapped a finger to his forehead, putting on his best 'I'm thinking about very important things' face. River giggled. "I think you're worryin' about something stupid. After what happened after Miranda, you killin dozens of Reavers all by your lonesome, how could you be scared of 'em? Be like takin' on a wolf pack then cowerin' from some puppy."

"But everyone else was scared."

"Nobody else can do what you did. 'Sides, why you wanna be like everybody else anyway?"

"I want to be normal."

He shook his head. "Look around you, kid. No one here's normal. Captain flies a ship named after a losing battle. Kaylee treats the ship like a person. Zoe married Wash. Everyone's got somethin' wrong with 'em."

"What's wrong with you?"

Dana. "Nothin."

"Jayne, you ever have therapy?"

"Once or twice a night with you, most days."

"I mean real therpay. Talking."

"I got nothin to talk about."

"What about Dana?"

Jayne's eyes went dark. "Nope. Nothin to say about it."

"You were dreaming about him again last night. Could hear you all the way down here."

"Don't remember it," he lied.

"Yesterday was the anniversary."

"I dunno."

"Why won't you talk about it?"

"Got nothin to say on the matter!" he snapped. "Dana's dead, he ain't important and-"

"He loved you."

Jayne's voice was tight. "I don't care."

"Yes, you do." She was suddenly behind him, her slender arms encircling his shoulders. "Why don't you talk about it? It helps. Trust me."

"Don't wanna talk about it, don't need to talk about it, ain't gonna." Stay outta my head please stay outta my head I don't want you in there.

"Okay, I won't listen to your thoughts." She kissed his shoulder. He shrugged her off.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Yes you do."

"I don't wanna want to talk about it."

"Sit down." She tugged his arm untl he fell back onto her mattress. "Tell me about Dana."

"No."

River knelt behind him and rbber his shoulders. "Yes."

"No!" he snapped, shoving her away. "I'm not the crazy one here, I don't need therapy!" He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

For once he was the one who couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned waiting for his eyes to want to close, but they refused. _When the hell is she gonna get here?_ His room was too quiet, too cold and too solitary. The door opened and light invaded the darkness. About fucking time. She cliombed down the ladder, closed the door and waited. "Well?" Jayne asked the dark. 

"You wanted me here." It wasn't a question.

"Don't care," he told her.

"You need therapy?"

He sighed. "Yeah."

"To forget him?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Tell me about him first."

"If you wanna know so bad, tap into my head."

"You want to tell someone."

Yes, he did. It'd been bugging him a lot recently. "Get in bed," he said finally, moving over for her.

She climbed in beside him, wiggling around until she was comfortable. her ear was pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The air pushing in and out of his lungs was like a lullaby. "How old were you?" she asked. "When you met him?"

"I was nineteen."

"That's young."

"I know that. You wanna hear or not? If you do, you best be keepin quiet." She kissed his nipple, indicating she would be quiet. "All right," he continued. "I was nineteen 'an out on my own. Dana found me eatin chicken off some rich guy's plate in some high class restaurant hotel or whatever. I'd stolen it while he was in the bathroom. Man's wife was still at the table, she didn't even notice. Thought Dana was arrestin me, but he said it was the most impressive lift he'd seen for a while. Offered me a job for his company."

"Hired mercenaries."

"If you like. Hit men, they called themselves. Real organized, but they'd stab one another for a buck, no hesitation."

"Like you?"

"You wanna hear this?" She was quiet again. "Anyway, Dana worked under this guy Starr who ran everything. He said I was Dana's problem an' if I weren't an ace in less than a month I was gonna get shot by the firing squad. Nearly pissed myself. Don't get me wrong, Starr was a decent enough guys, far as hired killers go. Didn't take shit. So anyways, Dana brought me along on all his jobs for the next month, showin me what's what. Did a lot of training- weaponry, combat. Most important was what he called desensitization. Basically was just learnin me how to not care 'ebout the people I'd be killin. You comfortable lyin like that?"

"Yes. Tell me more."

"You're still listenin?"

"Of course. What happeneed to you and Dana?"

"Got along real well. He was a real funny guy. Made the job kinda like a game. I remember this one time, we was settin up some ambassador form someother such place 'an we was waiting 'till the time to make the hit. An' he kept crackin jokes 'bout everyone in this fancy ass hotel. Like this one woman, ugly as sin wearin the worst damn dress you ever seen in your life." He chuckled softly. "Man that woman was awful. Dana said something so damn funny, don't even remember what it was but I laughed so hard fucked up thew whole opersation. Everyone took notice of us, exactly what we didn't want. High-tailed it outta there fast as anything. Had to make the hit later when the ambassador was on the crapper." He laughed out loud now. It was mirthful and genuine. "I was so scared. Thought Dana was gonna beat me senseless. But he wasn't even mad. He said to me 'Jayne, there's nothing more important in life than loyalty.' And he laughed right along with me afterward." His body tensed. "Took all the heat from Starr, too. Wasn't all that funny when you think about it. We was killin someone. Shouldn't have been laughin." He thought a few more minutes, his brow furrowed. "Man was real good to me. I think... think he might be the best friend I ever had."

Was he tearing up? River tried to see his eyes through the darkness but all she could go on was his voice, which had cracked a little. "Jayne?" she said softly.

"Bout three months after that, Starr called me in. Mind you, Starr wanted nothin from me unless he sent it through Dana. Well, I got to his office and Dana weren't there. Wanted to leave right then but that would've been the worst idea I ever had so I stayed put. Starr said he wanted to test me. Was givin me my first solo job." "You didn't want it." "No, I did want it. I was ready. But he... I didn't..."

"He wantred Dana."

"Fucking wanted Dana. I guess dana was lettin his loyalties lie somewhere other'n with Starr. Wanted him out. Said I was closest to him so I'd be the best one for the job. Wanted to see where my loyalties were. I just..." He laid an arm over his eyes. "Took it. What the fuck else was I gonna do?" He punched the wall angrily. "No emotion, that's what he told me. No attachments. Thought I could do it."

"But you did do it."

"Only cuz... I couldn't... He just kept lookin at me with them big damn eyes. How could he ask me not to?"

"He knew you were supposed to kill him." She stroked his hair tenderly.

"Course he knew. Dana always fucking knew. Could read me like a book. So we was sittin in his kitchen drinkin beer an' he wasn't payin attention an' I... so he..."

"He kissed you." "Why?" he yelled, and now she knew he was crying. "The fuck would he do that to me?"

"He loved you."

"WHY? Fuck, what did he want me to do?"

"Loyalty. He wanted you to love him."

"But I'm not... I ain't like that." He punched the wall again. "Pulled out my gun, an' he just looked at me, all serious-like. Just looked at me with them awful brown eyes. An' he said 'Okay' and leaned over, past my gun an' everything and he...he..." He couldn't even say it. "Just wanted him to stop lookin at me. Like he was pleadin for his life. So I shot him. Shot him in the chest, and he looked so sad an confused, like how could I do that to him. How could I not?"

"You didn't have a choice." River understood. It was either kill or be killed, and Jayne had made the human choice- he killed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Fuck you," he said, his arm still covering his face. "Don't want your gorram pity. Thought this was supposed to make me feel better. Feel like shit." "I always feel better. Maybe you did it wrong."

"How the hell'd I do it wrong? You said talk, I talked."

"I don't know." Maybe therapy didn't work on everybody. Or maybe it did, and this session wasn't over just yet. "Did you love him?"

"No," he said immediately. "No, weren't like that. Think that's what gets me. I don't think he knew I'd hit him until I pulled the trigger. Surprised me with a kiss much as I surprised him with a bullet."

"Are you sorry you did it?"

"Ain't in the job to be sorry. Done hundreds of men since. Routine by now."

"But are you sorry it was him? The first one, I mean."

Finally he removed his arm from his eyes and turned to face her. "You tell me," he said dully." "Dream about him near every damn night."

River's eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she could faintly see his face. He'd been crying, all right. That face was the face of a broken man. Simon could look like that sometimes. Mal had definitely looked that way when he'd lost the war. "I'm sure he forgives you," she told Jayne.

"Don't need his forgiveness. Need to forget it." He felt her fingertips find his hand and move it beneath the sheets until he was cupping her small breast.

"Forget," she implored him.

He didn't move his hand. "Don't work like that."

"It can."

"Shouldn't." What was the matter with him? Since when did he turn down a woman in bed?

"Why are you so hard to understand?" River asked him. You seem so simple, but everything about you complicates me."

"Guess I'm a mess," he shrugged. "Like you."

"Both lost?"

"I ain't lost. Know exactly where I am."

"Where are you?"

"Serenity." State of mind of firefly? Did it matter? "With a crazy girl in my bed fixin to get me in heaps of trouble."

"Should I go?"

"Nah."

River touched his face, too many emotions barging in. She felt such tenderness for him, and respect, and loathing and lust and… love? "Kiss me?" she asked.

"Why?"

"Because I want you to. Want you to stop hurting, want to make it better." _Want you to love me._

"No," he said solemnly. "Didn't work for him and it won't work for you. Jayne Cobb don't fall in… that."

"Love?"

"Yep."  
"I didn't say anything about it."

"You just said-"

"No, I thought it."

Now he was puzzled. There were a lot of things he was, but a reader wasn't one of them. "No, you… I heard you…clear as day."

She kissed his neck, and that's when he noticed his hand was still attached to her chest. He moved it to her lower back. She pulled herself closer to him. "Let me in, Jayne."

"My room? You're already in."

"Your head."

"You been before."

"Your heart, then."

"Ain't no room," he told her. Her stomach was pressed against his and she was soft and warm.

"I'm small."

"Like hell," he scoffed. "This bed's made for half of me and somehow you manage to take up the space of four people."

"Then why do you let me stay?"

"Sex is good." _And I don't care much to sleep alone, if I can help it_. "An' I always kick you out afterward."

That, she had to admit, was true. He always got her to leave before anyone else woke up. She didn't like how serious this conversation between them had become. Most of the time she enjoyed making people uncomfortable by displaying truth they all tried to avoid. Right now she didn't like it because she wasn't sure what the truth was. It was easier to read everyone else rather than herself. "Jayne likes River," she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Being with Jayne was about not thinking so much.

"You're okay, I guess."

"Jayne likes her smile, and the way she rubs his back…"

"Suppose."

"…and Jayne likes how her thighs feel when they're clamped around his head-"

"Hey, hey!" he interrupted. Till right then she was almost bein' charming. "Some thoughts are best left unsaid, and my feelings on your thighs 'round my head is one of them."

"Makes you feel dirty?"

"Makes me feel like I been doin something I shouldn't." Which he had.

River smirked. "Jayne likes how her voice is in his head, loud and uninhibited. The room is silent but she screams in his head."

"Knock it off," he said playfully.

"He likes how delicate she is until he thrusts himself into her, and then she gets wild and bendy and damn, girl, where did a little crazy learn to do that with her tongue?"

"Would you get outta here?" She was starting to make him horny. "You got what you came for. I told you about Dana though I'll bet you already knew, and yes, I do feel better. Now git so I can get some sleep."

"You don't want to sleep anymore."

Damnit. "Do so. Stop actin like you know everything." Don't want you to go but you better. Tonight's makin me all sorts of confused an' I don't care much for it at all. Too much talk on feelings and such. Enough to make a man crazy.

"Okay," River said, "I'll go." She climbed out of bed and tucked him in. "Thank you."

"For what? Didn't do nothing."

"You talked."

"I guess." He didn't know what in the hell she was thanking him for, but he didn't want to start talking again. He rolled over and faced his gun rack.

"Goodnight, Jayne," she said kindly. She was out in the hallways and heading back to her room before he responded with a barely audible "Night."


	5. Chapter 5

"Kaylee." Jayne stradled an empty chair. "Need to ask ya somethin."

"Sure thing. What's up?" She as admiring her newly-braided hair, done by Simon that morning. The braid looked more like a Gordian knot than an actual braid. It was complicated, ugly and brilliant all at once. Kaylee was ridiculously pleased with it.

"Nice hair," Jayne commented, studying it. Where the hell did that one strand lead to? Wasn't too surprising Simon had created this thing, since his hands were always doing all sorts of intricate things- like cuttin into people's brains.

"You like it? I think it's elegant, like something Inara would have."

He couldn't stop staring at it. _Weird._ "Sure," he agreed.

"So, what'd you want?"

"Huh?" For a moment he'd forgotten why he'd come. "Oh, uh... was wonderin if you could show me somethin."

"Sure thing."

"Uh... you know them papery flower things you make sometimes? Like the ones you made for Wash's grave?"

"The origami? Yeah. What about 'em?"

"How do you make 'em?"

This required all of Kaylee's attention. She put down the tools she'd been tinkering with. "You want me to teach you how to make origami flowers?"

"Uh...yeah."

She giggled. Wasn't a nice thing to do, but she coudn't help it. It was such an unusual request for him to make. "Why do you wanna know?"

He rolled his eyes. "Cuz I fel like a damn pretty princess. You gonna show me or not?"

"I will, no need to get snippy." She gave him a big 'ol grin."Just a weird thing for you to me askin for."

"Yeah, well..." He gave her a wayward smile. "I'm all sorts of surprsin."

"Guess so." Kaylee dove into one of her storage places in the engine room and dug out some colored paper. "Do you want... pink, purple or blue? Think I got yellow somewhere, too."

"Uh..." Did it matter? "I dunno, surprise me."

"Guess you can have blue. Come and sit on the floor, you need a flat surface."

"Kay." He plopped down on the floor across from Kaylee. _Hope no one comes walkin in here,_ he thought, glancing over his shoulder. He felt like a damn fool sittin on the floor playing with paper like a child.

"Okay," Kaylee said cheerily. "Take your paper and fold it in half so it makes a triangle."

Origami is a damn complicated thing. Jayne could piece together just about any kind of firearm there was in the whole of the verse (and usually in les than 30 seconds). But he could not get his flower to curl and fold and be pretty. It took him eight tries to create something even remotely flowerish.

"Well?" he asked, holding up his work. It was a pink boxy rose... sort of.

"It's uh... it's a good start."

"Strat? I made eight of 'em already!"

"Well, no offense, Jayne, but does that look like a flower?"

He crushed it in his powerful fingers. "No. Fuck."

"What are you doing?" Simon swung into the engine room gracefully.

"Origami!" Kaylee announced happily, looking up to Simon for a kiss. He happily obliged. "I'm teaching Jayne how to make flowers."

Simon chuckled at Jayne. "You're learning origami?"

"Bite my ass, doctor." He threw his crumpled flower at Simon, hitting him in the eye.

"Ouch," he cackled. "Why are you so interested in it, anyway? I'm just curious."

"Dont have to explain myself to you." He got up and tromped out of the room, crushing six of his origami attempts.

"Want more paper?" Kaylee caled after him. She felt bad because he had tried. His fingers just didn't move nimbly enough. Cold steel was one thing but flimsy paper was another.

Jayne trudged back, snatched the paper fron Kaylee's outstretched hand (wrinkling it in the process) and stormed away.

Simon was still smirking. "What was that all about?"

Kayle shrugged. "He wanted to learn."

"Did he say why?"

Now Kayle smirked. "He said he felt like a princess."

Jayne slammed the paper onto his weapons table and smothed it carelessly. Okay. Damn son of a bitch doctor, making him feel stupid. He could get through the first ten steps okay. It was mostly just folding the paper in half about eighty times. Once you got to 'fold left over center right, right to top corner' he got too confused. Okay. Fold once, twice, fold into another triangle...

* * *

"Jayne? You awake?" He was.

"No."

"Can I come in? I waited a few days."

"No."

She climbed into the bed next to him and found he had already moved over for her. "Why are you angry with me?"

"Let me sleep."

"I can't sleep. Need therapy."

"Fine. Just don't talk." He didn't move.

River climbed on top of him, one of her knees on either side of him.

"Jayne does not approve?"

"Jayne don't care." He looked up at her indifferently, waiting for her to begin. She studied his face. "What?" he asked irritably.

"Jayne is scared."

"No, he's tired. And sick of sayin 'he' all the damn time." _Please don't kiss me. _

"Why not?"

"What?"

"You know what."

"Geroff me woman, I wanna sleep."

"I want sex."

So do I. "No."

"Yes." She leaned down and kissed him. He didn't reciprocate immediately, but she was persistant and he eventually caved. God, her mouth was good, Her hands cupped his face and she pulled away. Her hair fell over both of them. _You scare me,_ she thought.

"Why do I scare you?"

"Because...I think..." _I think I love you._

"Nuh-uh. No. Don't be usnin them words."

"I didn't say anything. Just thought it."

"Then stop thinkin it so loud."

"What should I do, then?"

"Hell, I dunno. Why're you askin me?"

"Because I don't know what to do I can't... can't think right."

"Well that ain't nothin new, is it?"

"It's different now. I keep thinking the same kinds of things, always about you and your voice is so mean but your eyes are sad and scared and I can't stop wanting to be with you all the time and you keep pushing me away-"

"Whoa, girl," he said, startled. Now she was crying all hysterical like and talking too fast.He brushed her hair behind her ears. "Calm down, okay? Ain't no need to be so worked up."

"Why do you push me away? I don't want you to let me go."

"I..." He tried to reason with himself. What do you say to a small girl lookin at you with the biggest eyes you ever saw, wantin something from you that you can't give her? "You wanna talk or you wanna fuck?"

"Neither," she said miserably. "Both."

Where the hell did that leave him? "That don't exacty help."

"You love me?" Hse was very hopeful, he could tell. Crap. Instead of giving her an answer he kissed her. As it turned out, it was exactly the answer she was hoping for. She hugged him tightly, taking in his kiss like much needed air. The stubble on his face scratched at her cheeks as his lips moved across to her ears and neck. The apple smell of her hair was mind numbing. She was holding on to him like she was afraid he'd throw her out of the bed.

"I ain't gonna make you go," he whispered into her ear.

"You will too."

"I won't." He wrapped an arm around her to prove so. She rested her head on his broad shoulder, kissing along his jawline. His bare chest was warm under her fingertips. He was radiating heat through her thin nightgown, both warming and chilling her. His hands slipped her nightgown over her head, leaving her naked to the night air. She sat back on her feet so he could lift himself upright to eye level. Jayne's gaze roamed her nakedness, his fingertips following the trail his eyes made. She looked naked, a lot more naked than he'd even seen her. "Wow," he breathed.

"Jayne approves?" He didn't say anything, but nodded slightly. She smiled shyly. "Pretty?"

Before he could stop himself, he muttered "Beautiful." Shit. This was going too far. He needed to stop it before he said something he didn't mean. Or worse, soemthing he did. "Gime therapy," he demanded. He'd meant to sound imposing, but it came out almost as pleading. River understood. He was already naked- had been sleeping that way for a few weeks now. SHe slid her hands down his smooth stomach, over his hips and toward his inner thighs. Jayne leaned back on his elbows, his breathing getting heavier. River kissed his chest, stomach and navel, her young breasts brushing against his thighs. When her deep eyes looked into his, time stopped for a few brief moments. Her tongue flicked just below his navel, shooting electric sparks to his groin. Oh, God, he wanted her. His fingers touched her chin and brought her face back to his. His kiss was desperate but gentle, his tongue probing her mouth. He slid into her easily, the warmth of her depth engulfing more than just what lay below his hipbones.

"Oh," he moaned, the first vocal noise made between them during sex.

"It doesn't hurt," River said, a bit surprised. Most times it was at least a tiny bit uncomfortable. Now it just felt good.

"Bein gentle," he told her, lifting his hips slightly. "Oh, ta ma de."

"Is it bad?"

He looked directly into her eyes. "No, it's good. Real good." He thrust again, and now it was River who cried out. She tightened the muscles surrounding him intensely. He whimpered with pleasure.

It was long, slow and sensuous, unlike anything they'd done before. River was resting on top of him, resting her head on his chest below his chin. "I'm tired," she confessed.

He had wrapped his arms around her waist. "Me too." He kissed the top of her head.

"Love you," she muttered to his chest hairs.

"Thanks," he said, not knowing what else to say.


	6. Chapter 6

Malcolm Reynolds liked to believe he was a man who took things in stride. He'd seen a lot of weird things in his life, so not much surprised him anymore. What he saw on this particular morning did surprise him, however. To say the least.

He'd kicked on Jayne's door a few times with no response. So, either Jayne was sleeping real heavy today, he was sick and/or dead, he'd been kidnapped or he was fixin for a real good smack. 'Parenty it was the last option. Mal had climbed down the ladder, hopped to the floor and was about to give a ice loud shout when he saw a mass of long black hair splayed out over the sheets. either Jayne was being eaten by some hair monster laying on top of him, or there was a girl in his bed. When her head turned slightly, he realised it was indeed a girl. His pilot. All words that had been previously lined up for speech ropped into his stomach like little lead pellets.

"Mornin Captain," River said sleepily.

"What?" Jayne croaked, having just woken up himself.

"Mal's here."

"What?" He jerked awake, the girl on top of him sliding off. He sat upright and stared at the captain by the doorway. "Fuck."

"Mornin, Jayne," Mal said cordially.

"I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

Mal nodded. "Reckon that's a good assumption."

"Right," Jayne agreed. River sat up and put her head on his shoulder. He didn't shrug her off.

"Well," Mal said awkwardly, "'spose you two should be gettin dressed an such."

"You're going to get Simon," River said.

"Yep. Ain't much my business, but it's plenty his."

Jayne watched the captain leave in silence. Once the door had shut he laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "He's gonna throw me outta the airlock again."

"He didn't actually do it last time."

"Well, he will today." Why did this have to come around? Like he didn't have enough to worry about._Should have ended it right when it began, that's what shoulda happened. Never should have taken her to bed to begin with._ She seemed happier now, though. Made him feel kinda good knowing he had done it. Made him feel even better that he could do it and her brother couldn't. Still, he shouldn't have let it go this far. Now she was saying she loved him, and this was a mess he didn't want to get into again. For crying out loud, she'd gotten him to talk about Dana. He didn't even like to _think_ about Dana. This crazy woman was too much for him to stand. Why didn'the kick her out last night? Because he couldn't have, even if he wanted to.

"Are you sorry I stayed?"

_No._ "You shoulda gone."

She smiled at him contentedly. He hadn't wanted her to go. She thoguht so last night and was certain of it now. He was so troubled right now, which wasn't necessary because Captain and Simon weren't going to hurt him. Worst Mal could do was fire him, and if that happened she would go with him. She'd been fond of Jayne from the moment she saw him, and even through all his banter and her stabbing him and all their arguments and anger, she'd liked him just the same. There was something so genuine about him. He was a lot like Kaylee- his secrets were buried under only a few inches of dirt. While Kaylee's dirt was soft and ideal for gardening, Jayne's was stony and hurt your feet when you walked on it. Only people with rough callouses of hurt of their own- people like River- could dig in Jayne's heart.

Once he'd gathered his bearings, Jayne dressed himself, received a kiss from River ("You ain't makin today very shiny, you know.") and set off to face the consequences. Weren't hardly fair, though, since River wouldn't get any slack for this in the slightest. She could chalk it up to bein crazy and the planets would continue to go 'round. He, however, would be the sick pedophile takin advantage of some helpless crazy girl. Well, he could tell them right off there was nothing helpless about this girl.

Malcolm and Simon were waiting for him in the kitchen. This rought back such a vivid memory of when Jayne had been a youngster and he'd written a bad word on the bathroom wall at school. His mama and the headmaster had been waiting for him in the office with similar looks on their faces- Mal being the headmaster and Simon being his ma. Only sleeping with a man's sister was a lot worse than some bad word.

He took a seat and waited for someone to start yelling. For a while, no one did. No one said anything at all. So Jayne decided to break the silence. "Ain't that bad," he told them.

"Not that bad?" Simon repeated. He looked right on the tip of a nervous breakdown, his toes curled over the edge. "Are you serious? You've been...you...I can't even say it."

"Fucking me," River chimed in. She'd been waiting quietly in the doorway behind Jayne for her cue to enter. This one seemed appropriate enough.

"River!" Simon snapped. "Just... please, meimei, stay out of this."

"I can't. This is about me. I want to have a say."

"You don't even know how... _wrong_, how absurdly wong this is." He was trying not to yell at her, trying not to be angry with her because this wasn't her fault. _You keep telling yourself that,_ he thought. _She told you she wanted sex and she found some, didn't she?_ But she couldn't know the consequences of these things, not with her brain and emotions refusing to let reason shine through. Sex was something that didn't let sane people think right, what chance did his sister have? Jayne should have said no. What the hell was he thinking? He didn't even like River. "Do you have any idea how dangerous and twisted this is? You can't just sleep with whoever you want, there are diseases and pregnancy and... and you don't even care, do you?" She looked as though he were repeating back information she'd given him to begin with- bored but patiently listening because it was the polite thing to do. Her indifference was pissing him right off.

"It ain't as bad as you think," Jayne said.

"Jayne," Simon interrupted before another word could come from the man's mouth, "don't talk. Because if you do, I will probably just kill you. I'm really, really not in the mood to listen to you."

"You wanna bet your life on that, doc?"

"Yes," Simon said darkly, "I do." He was mad and he couldn't yell at River, so Jayne was taking all the heat for this. Which he deserved anyway. "I have many ways to kill you. Sick, sadistic ingenious ways that you will never see coming."

"You think I'm scared of-"

"You have been _screwing_ my _sister. _Anything that you do to me will pale in comparison to how I shall retaliate."

"Cool it," Mal said. Fact of the matter was, Simon was scary at this moment. His sister had been messed with, and he was an expert at cutting people up and rearranging their innards. He worked with complicated medicines and could probably misx some kind of cocktail that would kill Jayne slowly, surely and painfuly. Not something Mal needed on his ship.

Simon tried to cool it, as Mal suggested, but instead punched Jayne in the eye. Jayne swung of the chair and onto the floor. Trying to keep him temper in check, he got up and placed himself back in his seat.

"First shot's free," he told Simon. "But you try that again and-" Simon's fist collided with his jaw, knocking Jayne and the rest of his sentence to the floor. Jayne kicked out his leg and swept Simon's feet out from under him. Then he bloodied the doc's nose. Now they were on level footing, and Simon lunged for Jayne with primal rage. It was far and gone from anything resembing a fair fight, but you had to give Simon credit for determination. Chairs were knocked over and thrown, the table was bumped several times and all the while Mal watched from his perch on the countertop, like a referee. Maybe if they got this out of their systems, there wouldn't be some vendetta for the next forever. best let them hash it out now. Strike first, talk later.

"Stop it!" River screamed, and they did stop, although Simon took one last sucker punch to Jayne's solar plexis. Hurt him more than Jayne, but that wasn't the point.

River knelt beide her bloody and bruised brother. "It was my idea," she told him plainly. "I made him do it. He said no."

"Repeatedly," Jayne added. he would have added more, but Mal's warning glare shut him up.

"River," Simon said, spitting blood into his lap, "you can't make those kinds of decisions."

"It's not like that," she said kindly, as though explaining sex to a teenager whose just seen a disturing porn. "We weren't doing it because we wanted to. I wanted to make things right. Sex made things quiet. I could sleep."

"There are better ways to-"

"No," she said sternly, "no more drugs. No more pills. Rver is not a lab rat. Pills do not work. Therapy does work."

"Therapy?" Oh, all those times she had said she was going to see Jayne for therapy... If he had know this was what she'd meant... "You consider it therapy?"

"That's what it was. No emotion, just sex." She took Simon's face in her hands. "We're not in love, Simon. It worries you that I won't know that sex belongs with love, but I do. It's different, though. Jayne and I were primal, tere's no room for angry thoughts when you're presed against the wall-"

"Stop, stop!" he pleaded, taking her hands. "I really don't want to know."

"Love is different. It's slow and soft, like you and Kaylee." _Like what we did last night._

Simon had to think about this for a few moments. On the one hand, she'd found something other than medication to help her deal with her brain. On the other hand, that something was sex. With Jayne. That was too big a pill for him to swallow. "This has got to stop," he told her. River shook her head. "Captain!" SImon pleaded.

"This here's personal affairs," Mal told him. "I didn't exactly aprove of you an' Kaylee but I kept it to myself because it weren't my business. Neither is this."

"Am I alone in thinking this is completely wrong?"

"No," Mal assured him, "but no one else has any right to say anything about it." On the contrary, Mal to felt this was one of the most wrong and slightly disturbing things he'd ever seen. He wasn't sure of which part was worst- the fact that Jayne was sleeping with a girl almost young enough to be his daughter, that the same girl was crazy, that she had gone to Jayne (of all people) for sex, that neither of them saw any problem with it, or that they both called it therapy.

Simon groaned, feeling defeated and disgusted. "I can't stop you from doing this, can I?" he asked his sister.

"No. But don't worry- I'm not pregnant yet."

He nodded, this information being the straw that broke the llama's back. She had said _yet_.Dear God. "I think I'm going to be sick," he announced.

"Not in my kitchen," Mal said. He hopped down to the floor and gently helped Simon to his feet. "Lets get you to bed or something, okay? Probably best if you lie down for a while anyway."

"I think I hate Jayne," Simon said miserably. "How could he... I mean, she's too..."

"Crazy?"

"Young. She's too young." He paused. "And crazy."

Jayne wiped some blood off his cheek. That hadn't been so bad. Fight hadn't lasted as long as he'd expected. Truth be told, he thought Mal was gonna throw the first punch. He had to admire the doctor, even if only a little bit. The man had defended his sister's honor tooth and nail. Very traditional. It was this kind of thing that made Jayne think he could learn to like Simon after all. Eventually. River was sitting across from him on the floor, a funny look on her face. "What?" he asked her. "You mad I kicked your brother's ass?"

"You think we should stop therapy."

"I don't acre, if therapy was what we were doing. But we ain't anymore."

"Then what is it?"

"Now it's just sex. Regular sex."

"No, it's not regular sex."

"Oh? Then what is it, Miss I Know Everything?"

"We were making love."

"Oh, what the..." He got to his feet angrily. "What is it with you and that word? Why are you... you women... why's it always about that?"

"Not always. Just now."

"No, not now. Not ever." He grabbed one of her arms and yanked her to her feet. "You best be getin this through your head cuz I ain't sayin it but just the once." He towered fiercely over her. "I ain't never gonna say those words to you. Won't say it, won't feel it, won't never happen. You got that?"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," she replied coolly. He wouldn't know what thehell she was talking about, she alreay knew that. Jayne had barely ever heard of Shakepseare, let alone read him enough to quote it. That was one of those things she found most charming about him. He didn't know all the classics. He stuck to real life things like how to load any kind of gun and the best way to get fod when you have no money. Useful life knowledge. Not all the crap crowding her own brain.

"You calling me a girl?" Jayne yelled. "Well fuck you. Is it any wonder I don't care about you?"

A cloudburst of emotion rained over River's mind. His words hurt, so she cried. He was being mean, so she glared. he was lying, so she spoke. "You do so," she accused. "You just won't admit it because it scares you. Because he died loving you."

"Got nothing to do with him."

"Got everything to do with him."

"Shut up!" He slapped her, ridiculously hard. If he hadn't still been holding her arm, she would have flown across the room. It was a horrible noise that silence the room, even silenced her brain. She was shocked. He threw her into the counter, releasing his deathgrip on her. "Answer's no!" he screamed, his voice enhoing in the silence of the rest of Serenity. He stormed out as loudly as he could, doors slamming in his furious wake. Poor Kaylee got a nasty _"Chi shi!"_ as he passed her.

"Dont be scared," River whispered. "Ophelia killed herself when Hamlet shied away."

* * *

No one had seen hide nor hair of Jayne for two damn days. He stayed shut up in his room, swearing at anyone who tried to communicate with him. Not a damn person could figure out what in the hell had happened. He'd seemed absolutely fine when he and River had been discovered. What in the hell had put him in such a spell? Of course River knew, but River was not going to say to anyone what she knew. When she tried focusing on just Jayne's thoughts they were so dark and heavy and incomrehensible it gave her a headache. She spent her time on the bridge, far from Jayne and his searing anger. Not to mention it kept her away from Simon, who'd been acting weird around her since the other day. Too many people were being too complicated for her. Mal always had the same thought running in the back of his mind- something along the lines of 'What the hell?' It was a never ending mantra that repeated over and over, and sometimes River had to kick him out of the cockpit just so she could hear something other than those words for a while.

Zoe kept her company most of the time, which suited River just fine. Zoe hadn't said a damn word about it and she was resolved not to say anything about it ever. Wasn't her business, simple as that. River liked having Zoe with her. Although she wasn't outwardly aware of it, Zoe liked the bridge because a little piece of Wash was still left in it. She smiled more while sitting in the pilot's chair.

Kaylee popped in for a spell late one night. "How are you?" she asked River, taking up the seat Zoe had left half an hour ago. "Was hoping you'd be up to braiding my hair again."

"Okay." She set to work as soon as kaylee took her place on the flor in front of her. Her fingers combed and manipulated the light brown hair with practived ease.

"By the way," Kaylee said, "I like what you did to your rom. Looks pretty."

"My room?" She hadn't been there all day.

"Uh huh. Went there first to find you. I like all the colors. Even the newsprint is pretty." She touched her fishtail braid fondly. "Thanks a lot," she grinned. "I like Simon's braids, but he pulls on my hair too much. Guess since he works with so many dead and unconscious people, he's not used to takin it easy." She handed two rubber bands over her shoulder to River, who finished off the one braid and then the second twenty eight seconds later. Kaylee ran her fingers over both of them gently. "Thanks, she said again, getting up and skipping off to the handsome young doctor that awaited her. River went immediately to her bedroom. What had happened? She opened the door cautiously.

Flowers. Paper flowers hung on strings draped from the ceiling. Some were crinkled, some were very pretty and some were obviously from the learning stages. Many of them were bright colors, lots of blue and pink. Some were obvisouly crafted from torn out magazines. At least a dozen came from some sort of instruction manual. There were at least a hundred of them.

* * *

He was fully clothed, flat on his back and taking up the whole bed. "Get lost."

"I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"My room."

"What about it?"

"Just thank you." She kissed his forehead.

"That all?"

"Yes, that is all. I shall be leaving now." She reached as far as the end of the bed.

"Hey."

She turned back. "Hmm?"

"I ain't been dreaming so much about Dana. Maybe you were right- therapy helped."

"I'm usually right."

"That so?" He sat up, resting his forearms on his knees. "So what are you right about right now?"

"You love me."

He rolled his eyes. "Why do you keep bringing that up?"

"So you can admit to it."

"You just said you were always right, didn't you?"

""Right."

"So what's to admit?" He smiled widely. Most times he had no prayer in keeping up with her on word plays, but this time he'd gotten her good and he was going to enjoy the victory.

"Nothing, I guess," she admitted. "Just like the thought of hearing it."

"Little girl," he said, touching her cheek, "you make me about as crazy as any woman can make a man."

"Good way crazy?"

"Not like you crazy, if that's what you mean." He moved over for her. "You stayin?"

"If you want me."

"Don't care."

She didn't budge. "Not good enough."

"Huh?"

"Do you want me or not?"

"Don't care. Stay if you want."

"But do _you_ want?"

Damn women. Don't give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile no matter what. What the hell do you do with 'em? "Sure," he said finally. River made a face. "Okay, yes. Yes I want you to stay. Now shut up and get in the damn bed already." She climbed in, satisfied for the moment. Jayne had a nice groove along his shoulder where her head fit nicely. It was her spot that she always laid her head and her mind would quiet itself shortly there after.Their bodies matched up beside one another perfectly. River moved closer to Jayne, and when she couldn't get any closer she pushed him against the wall and entwined herself in his arms and legs.

"Close enough yet?" he teased.

"No," she said honestly, hugging him tighter.

He wasn't going to fight this one, desite the fact that he had a gun in his back and she'd taken up all the space his bed had to offer. As usual. "So, uh... talking or fucking?"

"Cuddles."

"Your brother ain't gonna be too happy about this. You said weren't nothing between us."

"I said we weren't in love and we aren't."

"Ah, so now you don't love me?"

"I ove you. But we aren't in love if you don't reciprocate."

"I don't what?"

"Give it back."

"Oh." He shifted, getting the gun out of his lower back and finding a comfortable spot.

"So I didn't lie to Simon, you see."

"I guess. You gonna stop stealin all my blanket or what?"

"No." But she did share it with him anyway. They layed comfortaby with one another, having been exactly like this many times after therapy. Jayne played with her hair and enjoyed the quiet. His brain had been storing all day.

"Quiet tonight," she told him.

"That so?" Good for her. No one could appreciate a quiet night more than this girl. It was quiet, too. His mind wasn't racked with its usual worries. Mostly the thought that they were going to get caught. Getting it all out in the open- sex with River, his history with Dana- felt real good. Therapuetic.

"You asleep?" River whispered.

"You know I ain't."

"I just wanted to say I love you, Jayne."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know." There was a real long pause. "Just don't expect me to say it."

"Say what?"

He smiled, having seen this trap from a million miles away. "That I love you too."


End file.
